Effective Steps for Self-Forgiveness and Personal Growth
The words of the Serenity Prayer are well known to many:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
We should keep that same spirit in mind as we enter a New Year – a time when we often reflect on what we could have done better in the past, with an eye to actionable behavior in the future. It’s a time when many of us adopt a greater charity of spirit and agree to let bygones be bygones, forgiving others even if they have hurt us.
Forgiving others is one matter – it can be quite more challenging to forgive oneself. Reflecting on our own mistakes and shortcomings is unlikely to give us the same closure we receive when someone else accepts our forgiveness. We can be our own worst enemies, and instead fall into the trap of ruminating on all the ways we have fallen short. After all, we may decide that we are simply letting ourselves off the hook and we are undeserving of forgiveness.
I’ve seen it many times in my long tenure as a therapist, consultant and coach. It’s a common challenge no matter what a person needs to put behind them. The result can be sleepless nights and an endless cycle of speculating what could have been done differently in a different timeline.
Sound familiar? If so, it’s worth putting in the work of figuring out how to truly let go and forgive yourself for your past mistakes, whatever they may be.
Mastering Self-Forgiveness: Key Techniques to Let Go of the Past
A few tactics and ideas to consider in forgiving yourself:
Focus on the Future: A Crucial Step in Self-Forgiveness
Focus on the future, not the past. There’s nothing we can do to revisit what has been done. Keep your self-reflection narrowed to constructive decisions that can change what is still up for grabs – the future.
Embrace Personal Growth by Accepting Forgiveness from Others
Practice accepting forgiveness and grace from others. Consider how your strained relationships with others may have impacted the way you view forgiving yourself. By being more accepting of others’ shortcomings, we may become more accepting of our own.
Adopt a Growth Mindset: Transforming Past Mistakes into New Beginnings
Adopt a growth mindset. Rather than a fixed mindset in which your identity and role are fixed in stone, adopt a perspective that accounts for growth and change. Just because you have done something in the past you find difficult to live with, you can still become a new person tomorrow.
Seeking Support: How Professional Guidance Aids Self-Forgiveness
Consider seeking help from others. You don’t have to carry the burden alone. Consider reaching out for help from a professional.
